13 July 2012

Unforgiveness Vs Forgiveness

To forgive or not to forgive?’…. now THAT is the question!! 

I know I’m not the only person who has considered this question, time and time again, after different incidents. Walking with Jesus Christ is so sobering and real, as there is ALWAYS so much more to learn and know about Him and His heart for us and things that do affect us. One of these things is within the area of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness can sometimes be shunned off as something negative and can be spoken of as a form of weakness. I remember before I was taught in this area, unknowingly holding a lot unforgiveness for people that had wounded me in my life. Some people I was convinced that they deliberately wanted to hurt me, whereas others, I just didn’t even want to think about what it is they had said/done to me. 

I just want to shed some light on what forgiveness actually is and how important it is for EVERY single one of us. All of us at one time would have been either let down and/or hurt by others. The memory itself can bring about so much pain and so choosing not to deal with the situation seems like the easiest thing to do. It can seem less painful to leave things rather than confront them and that’s what it can be like with unforgiveness. 

Imagine leaving a carton of milk in the fridge and always choosing to ‘forget’ about it…eventually it will go off and will REALLY start to smell and then cause for the other fresh food in the fridge to also start smelling. Leaving it in the fridge will not remove the issue, but over time it will just get worse and worse. That’s how unforgiveness can be like, in us, if it’s not dealt with and removed. It can affect the other good relationships we have around us and cause our hearts to become unpleasant. 

Therefore forgiveness is a must! The word of God states ‘forgive and you SHALL be forgiven….’ What this shows us is that God has given us the liberty to set the measurement in this area of our lives. Whatever measure we use for others will be used on us. If we forgive others, for whatever they have done, no matter how great or small, God is also faithful and just to forgive us for things we do no matter how great or small. Some of the things we experience in life, hurt so much, because of how severe the wound was/is, but there is NO wound that Jesus cannot heal & restore you from. 

Jesus set me free and taught me about the power of forgiveness, so that I could let go of the judgement I placed in my heart over other people and be healed. Unforgiveness is literally you choosing to hold that person in your “judgement seat” until “justice” is done. Therefore to forgive is a decision YOU have to make. The truth is, none of us are in a position to hold anyone in judgement, we have ALL sinned and fallen short of God’s standard...(but there is hope!!). Once you do let go of the people that have hurt you, you release them into God’s hand. The just Judge, who judges fairly and without partiality (without being bias). 

The fruit of Unforgiveness Vs Forgiveness


Accumulates in your heart and festers up like unwanted weeds. It causes you to build up unnecessary walls in an attempt to “protect yourself” and leaves you miserable and bitter. Everytime you think of the person, or see/hear something that reminds you of them, you cringe and can’t take it. You end up treating the ones you care about, with caution, fearing that they may one day hurt you too; therefore you don’t really trust them. It births insecurities and then causes you to be suspicious of things that may not even be there. 

If not that, then it causes you to build up so many walls, that you become ‘heartless’. In some cases you can even become emotionless and generally hard and robotic, as a result of not wanting ANYONE to ever see you as being “weak”. 

These are just a few examples but there are many others, that I could mention to show the fruit of unforgiveness.  

Though it may hurt in the beginning, it will eventually produce a healthier heart, as you are able to then love freely, by this I mean, you don’t place conditions on how much you will love someone and people. You love without fear of being hurt! 

You are able to be much more enthusiastic about meeting new people and building relationships. You can wish good upon the people that have ever hurt you and generally you are released out of that dark place of hurt and pain, and move into a place of well being, wholeness and enjoying life. Not only is forgiveness good for YOU, but it also pleases God to be able to forgive you & remember your sins no more. 

Healthy Afro Hair.
My very own!
All in all, forgiveness is a GOOD thing, which is put in place for us to be set free from a lot of bitterness, anger, pain, hurt and torment. It takes strength to be able to forgive those that have hurt you. Forgiveness is about you, you and God, not the other parties involved. 

I had to write a forgiveness list of all those I needed to release back to God, and to my surprise when I did it, a few people that are close to me, were also on the list. This is because those we love and hold dear to us, have the potential of hurting us deeper than others, purely because of the nature of the relationship and the expectations we have of them. I’ve mentioned this before, but I had to learn to lift expectations off people and to simply be grateful for a lot of things. 

I know that the ONLY reason I was able to confront the things in my past, and be strong was because of the power of the Holy Spirit of God, His love and His grace. Without Him, it would not have been possible, because I would not have reopened any of those old ‘cartons’. But with Him, it was possible. It was safe and it was dealt with.
Please Note: Forgiving others for what they have done or said to you, doesn’t justify their wrong doing but it's about you being healed to have a healthy heart & body!
There is so much more I could say on this subject, but I shall leave you with that for now… again if you do have any questions, be sure to ask. 

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones"~ Proverbs 14:30


  1. Amen to that!!! Recently I have come to learn and understand that forgiving is something that I have to do if only for the pure and shelfish reason that I want my Father in heaven to forgive me also of my sins. In order to receive forgiveness from Him, I too have to forgive others wholeheartedly for their wrongs against me and remember them no more. Forgiveness is a Will and not an Act. We must first have the will to forgive and then the act or in most of our cases the feelings will follow in due time. P.s.I love the annalogy of the milk carton.....that sums up the bitterness created in our souls when holding on to hurt, anger, pain and unforgiveness. Praise be to God for opening our spiritual eyes to His truth.

  2. What a loving Father He is!! Such a great Teacher.